Lesson 8 - Choose Someone Appropriate

I know, I know. The heart wants what the heart wants. But more often than not, that person you're chasing isn't what your HEART wants. It's what your head wants. Or your loins. Damn loins.

We're all guilty of doing this from time to time, so there's no need to beat around the bush. We chase people we shouldn't be with. And I don't just mean from the shallow, high school, "Oh they're totally out of your league, that person is soooooo hot" standpoint. I mean from the general, use your damn head standpoint. Common interests, chemistry, and yes, physical attraction, are all important. I'm aware that, at least once, we've all been told "opposites attract"... And they do. In magnets. And lust. But you know when opposites can be a pretty bad foundation? For an actual relationship. You and your partner need to have some common interests, likes, dislikes, and to some degree, beliefs.

Here's a good example from when I was in high school. I was interested in this girl, whom we shall call Claire, but she was in no way right for me. It's not that she was a "bad" girl (nor was I a "bad" boy), or anything like that. We just had radically different beliefs, upbringings, musical tastes, and expectations from life. My mom had a good point when, while talking about this girl, she asked "So, what if you marry her and have kids? She's going to want to teach them that the Earth is only 10,000 years old. Are you ok with that?", and, like a stupid kid, my response was something about discussion and compromise. What I should have said, and what I would now say, is nothing. Because I'm not going to try and be with someone who has very firm beliefs that are so different from my own. Likewise, I would never date a Luddite (people who shun technology), someone who never wants children, or a person that thinks Val Kilmer made a better Batman than Micheal Keaton. These are things I know now would bother me endlessly during a relationship, and that's not healthy.

It's not really a difficult concept, when you get down to the core of it. You should choose someone not because you THINK they'd be good for you, or because you could show them off. You should pick the person who IS good for you, and who you still want to spend time with just sitting around doing nothing.

...And in high school, it sucks, but appearance is important. Everyone is pretty shallow at that age, and worried about social standing, so it might not be your best choice to try and get the prom queen. No matter how many interests you share. Things calm down on that as you get older, though.