Lesson 1 - Don't Be A Pretentious Bitch

Let me start off by saying that I am fully aware men can be guilty of this just as often. Just because they have a dick doesn't mean they can't be a bitch.

So, let's set the stage for lesson one, shall we? Imagine you meet a nice guy or girl, and seem to hit it off fairly well. You find each other attractive, have common interests, the works. After getting to know each other a bit, you go ahead and ask them out on a date.. Something casual, friendly, and fun... Like, for instance a movie. A go-to classic first date, but hey, if it's not broken don't fix it. This is generally the time to part ways (after exchanging numbers if you haven't already), and go about your business.

It is totally acceptable to talk between the asking and the going. Test the waters a bit, decide on a movie, and just generally chat. Maybe ask how work, or school, is going... Your standard small talk.

What is not generally acceptable at this point is to be a pretentious bitch. Imagine, for a moment, you were the one asked on the date. Which of the following do YOU think is an appropriate topic of conversation?

1. Asking what kinds of movies your date enjoys
2. Asking your date more about their interests, family, etc
3. Telling your date what they need to wear, how they need to style their hair, and how they need to act

If you chose one of the first two options, congratulations, you are a normal, functioning adult. Hooray! If you chose option 3, however, you're a pretentious bitch.

I'll give an example from my own life, if I may. I recently met a girl who seemed rather nice. She was attractive, we have similar interests, etc. She's a bit talkative for my tastes, but she was just trying to get to know me better, which I fully understand. So, after a bit of conversation, I asked if she'd like to get together this weekend to see a movie. Nothing big, just two people enjoying a film, maybe grab a cup of coffee afterwards. She said yes, and as you may recall, this is the time to part ways and talk later.

It is not, however, the time to begin telling me how I need to dress to go see a movie. I'll just throw it out there that I'm a pretty casual guy. I'm in my late twenties, I like wearing jeans and t-shirts in the spring, and a hoodie if there's a chill in the air. To me, there's nothing wrong with that. It's comfortable, and it's how I like to dress. I think it's a pretty standard approach to clothing. So, if I ask you to a movie, and you start telling me that I, in all seriousness, need to wear a button down shirt and tie? You're being a bit pretentious. If you throw in that I need to wear dress slacks and shoes? You're being very pretentious. If you then tell me I need to style my hair in an "up-do" and wear a particular type of cologne because it's what you want? You're a pretentious bitch, and this date isn't happening.

Do not tell your date how to dress. We're all adults, and I'm sure we can figure out what is, or is not, appropriate to wear out of the house. Do not tell your date how to style their hair. If I want opinions on my hair, I will ask the rather wonderful girl who cuts it for me. Do not tell your date what fragrance to wear, because they may find it to be absolutely horrendous. You are going on a date. That's it. A date. And if it's a first date, you're not just a pretentious bitch, you're a spoiled child for trying to be that controlling with a person you've just recently met.

I suppose it is worth mentioning that some people WANT a controlling person like that in their lives. That's still no excuse for being a pretentious bitch right out of the gate. Take it easy, ok? Just relax and let things happen, see where the evening takes you, and don't stress if your date isn't the model of perfection you want them to be.