Maaaan. Been awhile. Not going to lie, a lot of it is that I usually write in here when I'm bitter about something relationship/dating-wise, and I really haven't had much to complain about lately. Kind of have a pretty awesome woman in my life, and it's been a nice change of pace.
But fuck it, this is the internet and I still have things to say.
So, let's talk about respect. I mean really, respect goes both ways and you should respect each other, but let's not pretend we're here so I can be like... Ladies. Respect your man! That's not why I'm here, and hopefully that's not why you're here, or you'll be a little disappointed.
Gentlemen. Menfolk. Boys. We are a pretty disrespectful lot when it comes to women. Like.. wow. Take a moment and really think about it, and then just let the feeling of "Fuck, I'm an asshat" wash over you. It's ok. Really. Take it all in.
Now, a large part of this is the fact that we live in a patriarchal society where men are men and women are second class. Don't argue with me, you know I'm right. Sit down. Now think back to how many times you've made some sexist joke like "Oh, what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, she was already told twice!" or "Why would I get a woman a watch, there's a clock on the stove!" ...Laugh it up. Thing is, there's funny ha-ha, and there's funny "Oh shit we're perpetuating a culture of disrespecting everyone without a dick", which is to say... there's funny, and there's not really funny.
Let me ask you a pretty simple question. Do you respect the women in your life? All of them? Not just your family (though that is important), but your female friends, coworkers, and partners?
Now, do you just respect them outwardly? Or is your respect internal as well? Example. Do you treat a woman nice, and respectful, to her face, but then when you're out with the boys talk about her in a disrespectful or inappropriate manner? Both are important.
This is feeling a bit wordy to me. Sorry about that, but I'm not really sorry. The thing is you have to respect the people you're with. Have. To. It really shouldn't be an option not to, but the horrible truth is that there are many women out there who have gone so long without ever being respected as a person that they just think "Oh, well, I deserve to be treated like this". And they don't. Really, ladies, you don't, and fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. ...Phrasing, not like, proper fuck, but those people can go to hell.
I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I really believe that respect is an integral part of any healthy relationship. It goes both ways, yes, but generally the men are the ones causing problems. Like, if your lady says no to something? Anything? Respect it. Don't be like... "Hey girl... you lookin' pretty. Lemme get the P in the V" and when she says "No, I don't feel like it", jam your dick in anyway. That's not cool, and beyond being disrespectful, it's illegal (because that's rape, dating someone does not entitle you sex whenever you want). Or if she asks you to refrain from a certain type of behavior (within reason)? Like, if your lady asks you to do something as simple as wiping your feet when you walk in the door. Don't argue. Wipe your damn feet. Small displays of respect are as important as large ones.
I'm not gonna lie, it's actually pretty hard right now for me to think of common displays of disrespect that aren't the illegality we've already covered. Be polite. Be a nice fuckin' guy. Well, I guess this is getting to the TL;DR, so be a nice fuckin' lady. Be a nice fuckin' PERSON. Not just to your partner, but to everyone, because maybe they just need that little bit of respect.
And again. Ladies. If some dude out there disrespects you and treats you like garbage. You don't have to put up with that shit. You deserve better, and he deserves some icy hot in the peehole.
Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Lesson 17 - Your Heart Doesn't Know What It Wants
It's been awhile, yet again, but alas, I was without inspiration, and run-on sentences. But lo, for I have been blessed with a slew of new people in my life, with complaints and troubles I had forgotten! And thus was inspiration born!
There's a saying, that "The heart wants what the heart wants". Now, far be it for me to argue with wise words passed down through the ages, especially when I (to a degree) agree with them. The heart does, in fact, want what it wants. And what it wants is to pump blood so that you can continue living. What it does not want, contrary to what some would have you believe, is for you to be in a relationship that leaves you depressed and miserable. I would wager that the heart does not want that at all. Unless your heart is an asshole.
Is your heart an asshole?
I don't think it is, but it might be. So, I have a coworker now, whom we shall call Myrtle. Myrtle's boyfriend is textbook dickhead. He tells her she's fat (she isn't), and that he is depressed because of her. He provided her the condition that to continue their relationship, she would need to start losing a minimum of 1 pound per day (which is HORRIBLY UNHEALTHY AND YOU SHOULD NEVER DO IT), and generally treats her as though she is worthless, and is kept around only for purposes of sex with something that isn't attached to his wrist. She has stated, accurately, that her family essentially disowned her for choosing to remain with a drug-addled douche that lives with his parents. She quit college to spend more time with him. She was rather unceremoniously thrown from her lodgings due to his involvement, and thus moved in with him (and his parents) until he decided she needed to leave for being fat, with no warning and nowhere else to go.
I do not think I am alone in stating two points in regards to this. First, that is a horrible relationship to be in. Second, she is a goddamn idiot. I'm no stranger to having people complain about their relationships to me, it's actually a very common occurrence and one that I invite on myself by asking "What's wrong?" when a friend is upset. Recently, I've taken a new approach of asking "Have you talked to them about how you feel?" rather than just providing comfort, because I really feel that communication is key in any kind of relationship. If the answer is no, I tell them to quit bitching to me about their problems and go fix it. In this case, my answer was a bit more blunt, in that I asked why the hell she was complaining to me as I did not in any way invite the conversation, and then when she was done I told her she was a goddamn idiot.
Her response was, and I quote... "No I'm not, he's just all that I want! Just him!"
This is the point in the story, and in any story like this, where I call bullshit. If that were true, you are an emotional masochist who enjoys being insulted, degraded, and treated like gutter trash. And if that were true, you wouldn't need to complain about how you wish things would change, because hey, you don't want them to change. You want to be treated like shit, and at that point, it's whatever floats your boat. But since you are unhappy with the state of things, feel the need to complain, and actively try to better them on occasion, you're not an emotional masochist. What you are, is a goddamn idiot.
See, the heart doesn't want that. And it's not that "Oh, love is blind!".. No. You see the faults, you know they exist, and you do care. This isn't something like "Oh, he leaves the toilet seat up" or "She leaves half-drank sodas in the fridge". These are not small faults. These are character traits, and rather glaring and defining ones. You do not love this person, in fact, you probably strongly dislike them. What you love is being in a relationship, no matter how shitty, instead of being alone. You say that it's what the heart wants, and really, it's not. It's what the scared, timid thing in your mind wants. That inner child that's afraid of being alone.
It is ok for you to be alone. It's ok to be single. It's ok to be an emotional masochist. But recognize what you are doing and why. If you are staying with someone who makes you unhappy and saying it's because that's what your heart wants, as if that's what it really is. Does your heart want to be in a situation that makes you miserable? Or are you just afraid of not being in a relationship? It's ok to be afraid, it really is. Some of these terrible relationships go on for years before they get that bad, and that's a long time to be with someone and give it all up. And I have no doubt that some of those relationships can be saved with a bit of communication and understanding. But if you've been with someone a few months, and they're a complete asshole, there's really nothing to be afraid of, and you need to let it go. It's better in the end, it really is.
The moral of the story here is, your heart doesn't have shit for brains, you're just a goddamn idiot.
There's a saying, that "The heart wants what the heart wants". Now, far be it for me to argue with wise words passed down through the ages, especially when I (to a degree) agree with them. The heart does, in fact, want what it wants. And what it wants is to pump blood so that you can continue living. What it does not want, contrary to what some would have you believe, is for you to be in a relationship that leaves you depressed and miserable. I would wager that the heart does not want that at all. Unless your heart is an asshole.
Is your heart an asshole?
I don't think it is, but it might be. So, I have a coworker now, whom we shall call Myrtle. Myrtle's boyfriend is textbook dickhead. He tells her she's fat (she isn't), and that he is depressed because of her. He provided her the condition that to continue their relationship, she would need to start losing a minimum of 1 pound per day (which is HORRIBLY UNHEALTHY AND YOU SHOULD NEVER DO IT), and generally treats her as though she is worthless, and is kept around only for purposes of sex with something that isn't attached to his wrist. She has stated, accurately, that her family essentially disowned her for choosing to remain with a drug-addled douche that lives with his parents. She quit college to spend more time with him. She was rather unceremoniously thrown from her lodgings due to his involvement, and thus moved in with him (and his parents) until he decided she needed to leave for being fat, with no warning and nowhere else to go.
I do not think I am alone in stating two points in regards to this. First, that is a horrible relationship to be in. Second, she is a goddamn idiot. I'm no stranger to having people complain about their relationships to me, it's actually a very common occurrence and one that I invite on myself by asking "What's wrong?" when a friend is upset. Recently, I've taken a new approach of asking "Have you talked to them about how you feel?" rather than just providing comfort, because I really feel that communication is key in any kind of relationship. If the answer is no, I tell them to quit bitching to me about their problems and go fix it. In this case, my answer was a bit more blunt, in that I asked why the hell she was complaining to me as I did not in any way invite the conversation, and then when she was done I told her she was a goddamn idiot.
Her response was, and I quote... "No I'm not, he's just all that I want! Just him!"
This is the point in the story, and in any story like this, where I call bullshit. If that were true, you are an emotional masochist who enjoys being insulted, degraded, and treated like gutter trash. And if that were true, you wouldn't need to complain about how you wish things would change, because hey, you don't want them to change. You want to be treated like shit, and at that point, it's whatever floats your boat. But since you are unhappy with the state of things, feel the need to complain, and actively try to better them on occasion, you're not an emotional masochist. What you are, is a goddamn idiot.
See, the heart doesn't want that. And it's not that "Oh, love is blind!".. No. You see the faults, you know they exist, and you do care. This isn't something like "Oh, he leaves the toilet seat up" or "She leaves half-drank sodas in the fridge". These are not small faults. These are character traits, and rather glaring and defining ones. You do not love this person, in fact, you probably strongly dislike them. What you love is being in a relationship, no matter how shitty, instead of being alone. You say that it's what the heart wants, and really, it's not. It's what the scared, timid thing in your mind wants. That inner child that's afraid of being alone.
It is ok for you to be alone. It's ok to be single. It's ok to be an emotional masochist. But recognize what you are doing and why. If you are staying with someone who makes you unhappy and saying it's because that's what your heart wants, as if that's what it really is. Does your heart want to be in a situation that makes you miserable? Or are you just afraid of not being in a relationship? It's ok to be afraid, it really is. Some of these terrible relationships go on for years before they get that bad, and that's a long time to be with someone and give it all up. And I have no doubt that some of those relationships can be saved with a bit of communication and understanding. But if you've been with someone a few months, and they're a complete asshole, there's really nothing to be afraid of, and you need to let it go. It's better in the end, it really is.
The moral of the story here is, your heart doesn't have shit for brains, you're just a goddamn idiot.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Lesson 16 - It's Not a Race
For quite some time now, I've been trying to figure out exactly what it is that has caused this... Shift, I suppose, in the mindset of people. I'd like to say there's something easy to place the blame on, like the media, or drugs in the water, but I don't think that's the case.
Sorry, I suppose I should start with what I'm actually talking about. I'm talking about people who treat love, dating, and romance as though it's a race.
And, as always, I have an example. Internet dating has become quite popular in recent years, and it's pretty easy to see why. Meeting someone in person is a nerve-wracking, terrifying experience, especially as you get older. When you're in high school, and even college, there's an established social setting wherein it's easy to meet new people, get to know them, and pursue a relationship (it's called "class"). As you get out of school, it becomes more about places like work and bars/clubs.
-Work, by the way, can be highly inappropriate, and is frowned upon, and even forbidden, by many companies because it can be extremely detrimental to a professional environment. Fair warning.
Anyway, example. So, I for instance, have an online dating profile over at okcupid. Have I ever met someone from the site, or tried to start a legitimate relationship due to it? No. That's not to say I'm against it, I've just yet to come across someone where there's mutual interest, and in the meantime have continued to meet and date people from realworldland. But sometimes, I get messages on there which are so entertaining it makes the entire venture worthwhile. Others, I get messages that creep me right the hell out. And sometimes, just sometimes, I get a conversation window (something the site offers that I rarely notice, I usually check it from my phone) that makes me want to pack up and flee the country.
This is a case of the third example.
So, two nights ago, I was relaxing on my couch, laptop open, watching Coupling on television (it's a marvelous, hilarious series, by the way). I decided to pop into OKC and see if anything interesting had floated my way, and I got a little window blip at the bottom right of the screen. Now, I try to be polite when people message me online. I always respond, and if I'm not interested in talking anymore I'm nice about the way I end the conversation. In this instance, I didn't find the woman messaging me to be particularly interesting (her profile was all about dogs, with no information about herself), nor was she particularly attractive to me. But, I know how much it sucks to have someone not only be uninterested, but be a jerk about it, so I tried to be friendly. The standard "Oh, hello. How is your evening, oh mine is going well thank you" with occasional references to a lovely date I had been on recently, and another that was in a few days time (tomorrow actually). Trying to hint "I'm not interested in dating you" without just saying "Leave me the fuck alone".
The nice route failed me. It failed me in such spectacular proportions that I briefly considered setting a kitten on fire. You see, it's not uncommon when starting a conversation on a dating website to compliment the person you are attempting to pursue, in this case she said I was rather cute and had lovely eyes (it's true, my eyes are spectacular). I replied with a polite "Oh, thank you". She replied with "We would have the prettiest babies!!"
Wait, what? Why the hell are you talking about fictional children with a person you've never met and only spoken to via text for... oh... 3 minutes? This is not normal conversation, people. I don't go up to attractive women at Starbucks and say "Oh... You and me? We would have the BEST looking kids". It's creepy. It's so creepy that it's beyond creepy, but I don't think there's actually a word for it yet. Creeptacular. Creepaminjaro.
So she asks me, what would immediately make me lose interest in a person. A fair question, and one I've been known to ask my friends over a few beers because it's always funny to hear what they say. Seeing as I had not had beers, I opted to give the honest answer: If a girl is being creepy, over-attached, or blatantly insane, I will immediately lose interest in them. This is, of course, assuming I interested in them to begin with.
"Well what do you consider creepy or blatantly insane?"... Again, fair question, there can be a bit of a gray area to some people about what constitutes creepy or batshit fucking nuts. "Oh, you know... Calling nonstop, planning what names our children would have before there's any chance of them existing, talking about marriage or meeting the family before a first date... Stalking, that's a good indication of both..." Note that I mentioned the planning of children, specifically because she had already crossed that line.
You may be asking why I even continued talking, instead of blocking her and closing the window right away. To be honest, I was bored and sitting alone in my apartment, and didn't want to be an asshole. That very quickly changed after her next line.
"Marriage? OF COURSE I would marry you! We just need to go on a few dates. Oh, we'll have such pretty babies! Actually, I was just about to order pizza, why don't I just pick one up? What's your address?"
This may seem like a joke. It is worth mentioning she asked me 5 more times for my address, and continued to talk about marrying me. She wanted to go out this weekend, I told her plainly that I was not interested, and besides I have a date already. "Well why would you even bother? I already told you I'll marry you. Don't waste your time with her"
I like to think I have a lot of patience. I like to think I'm a nice guy, no matter how batshit fucking insane the person talking to me gets. I like to think that.
"Ok, look you stupid bitch. I'm trying to be fucking nice here. I'm not interested in you. I'm not interested in dating you, being friends with you, getting to know you, and I'm certainly not going to fucking marry you. I have tried, and tried, and tried, to let you down easy and let you just go off on your own. But you keep. Fucking. Being. Creepy. It is not funny, nor is it 'cute', to tell someone you've never met and do not know that you would have 'the prettiest babies'. It is not funny, nor is it 'cute', to take an example of how someone can be OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MIND, and try to keep bringing it up as a joke, or a way to break the ice." I went on for a bit more about how there was nothing endearing about pestering me for my address and phone number.
"But I wasn't kidding..."
AND THAT MAKES IT WORSE. I very rarely block anyone on anything. Ever. I think I blocked maybe two people back in the days of AOL IM, and I knew a lot of annoying people. I've never blocked anyone on Facebook, but I've been very tempted to. So, I went ahead and blocked her.
When I woke up the next day, I had twenty new messages. All from her. All from different accounts. Asking me why I blocked her, and why I wouldn't talk to her, and telling me she loved me.
In retrospect, I should have just titled this something to the effect of "Don't Be Fucking Nuts on the Internet" based on the example. But really, you shouldn't be fucking nuts anywhere, and there's already an entry on that (Lesson 2, for those interested). And really, this is a specific kind of crazy.
There is no race to the finish in a relationship. There is absolutely no reason to ever rush the "I love you" line, while there are actually a lot of reasons not to. Being in love can be absolutely terrifying, and absolutely wonderful. But people need to make sure they understand what love is, and know that they're in love, before the say it. It's an awful feeling to be dating someone, and hear "I love you", and know that you don't feel it in return, or even to be unsure about if you feel it. Likewise, it's terrible to say "I love you" and be told they don't feel the same. It's serious business.
And marriage. Yo, fuck you, people who rush the marriage talk. It's a BIG FUCKING DECISION. Weddings are EXPENSIVE. And not just the service, the whole ordeal. If you truly love someone, then yes, by all means get married and have a wonderful life together. I don't want this to sound like a "never get married!" rant. It's a "don't fucking joke about that word" rant. Do not tell the person you've just started dating that you will marry them. Do not tell the person you've NEVER MET that you will marry them. It's not cool. Wait until you've been together for awhile, until you know each other, and until you are positive that yes, this is who you want to spend your life with. Because you know what's more expensive than marriage? Divorce. Of course, that's assuming that the batshit crazy person didn't chain you up in their basement.
Love, romance, and dating are not races. They are a lengthy, enjoyable stroll through the park. Take time to enjoy it and build memories, don't just run for the gate.
Sorry, I suppose I should start with what I'm actually talking about. I'm talking about people who treat love, dating, and romance as though it's a race.
And, as always, I have an example. Internet dating has become quite popular in recent years, and it's pretty easy to see why. Meeting someone in person is a nerve-wracking, terrifying experience, especially as you get older. When you're in high school, and even college, there's an established social setting wherein it's easy to meet new people, get to know them, and pursue a relationship (it's called "class"). As you get out of school, it becomes more about places like work and bars/clubs.
-Work, by the way, can be highly inappropriate, and is frowned upon, and even forbidden, by many companies because it can be extremely detrimental to a professional environment. Fair warning.
Anyway, example. So, I for instance, have an online dating profile over at okcupid. Have I ever met someone from the site, or tried to start a legitimate relationship due to it? No. That's not to say I'm against it, I've just yet to come across someone where there's mutual interest, and in the meantime have continued to meet and date people from realworldland. But sometimes, I get messages on there which are so entertaining it makes the entire venture worthwhile. Others, I get messages that creep me right the hell out. And sometimes, just sometimes, I get a conversation window (something the site offers that I rarely notice, I usually check it from my phone) that makes me want to pack up and flee the country.
This is a case of the third example.
So, two nights ago, I was relaxing on my couch, laptop open, watching Coupling on television (it's a marvelous, hilarious series, by the way). I decided to pop into OKC and see if anything interesting had floated my way, and I got a little window blip at the bottom right of the screen. Now, I try to be polite when people message me online. I always respond, and if I'm not interested in talking anymore I'm nice about the way I end the conversation. In this instance, I didn't find the woman messaging me to be particularly interesting (her profile was all about dogs, with no information about herself), nor was she particularly attractive to me. But, I know how much it sucks to have someone not only be uninterested, but be a jerk about it, so I tried to be friendly. The standard "Oh, hello. How is your evening, oh mine is going well thank you" with occasional references to a lovely date I had been on recently, and another that was in a few days time (tomorrow actually). Trying to hint "I'm not interested in dating you" without just saying "Leave me the fuck alone".
The nice route failed me. It failed me in such spectacular proportions that I briefly considered setting a kitten on fire. You see, it's not uncommon when starting a conversation on a dating website to compliment the person you are attempting to pursue, in this case she said I was rather cute and had lovely eyes (it's true, my eyes are spectacular). I replied with a polite "Oh, thank you". She replied with "We would have the prettiest babies!!"
Wait, what? Why the hell are you talking about fictional children with a person you've never met and only spoken to via text for... oh... 3 minutes? This is not normal conversation, people. I don't go up to attractive women at Starbucks and say "Oh... You and me? We would have the BEST looking kids". It's creepy. It's so creepy that it's beyond creepy, but I don't think there's actually a word for it yet. Creeptacular. Creepaminjaro.
So she asks me, what would immediately make me lose interest in a person. A fair question, and one I've been known to ask my friends over a few beers because it's always funny to hear what they say. Seeing as I had not had beers, I opted to give the honest answer: If a girl is being creepy, over-attached, or blatantly insane, I will immediately lose interest in them. This is, of course, assuming I interested in them to begin with.
"Well what do you consider creepy or blatantly insane?"... Again, fair question, there can be a bit of a gray area to some people about what constitutes creepy or batshit fucking nuts. "Oh, you know... Calling nonstop, planning what names our children would have before there's any chance of them existing, talking about marriage or meeting the family before a first date... Stalking, that's a good indication of both..." Note that I mentioned the planning of children, specifically because she had already crossed that line.
You may be asking why I even continued talking, instead of blocking her and closing the window right away. To be honest, I was bored and sitting alone in my apartment, and didn't want to be an asshole. That very quickly changed after her next line.
"Marriage? OF COURSE I would marry you! We just need to go on a few dates. Oh, we'll have such pretty babies! Actually, I was just about to order pizza, why don't I just pick one up? What's your address?"
This may seem like a joke. It is worth mentioning she asked me 5 more times for my address, and continued to talk about marrying me. She wanted to go out this weekend, I told her plainly that I was not interested, and besides I have a date already. "Well why would you even bother? I already told you I'll marry you. Don't waste your time with her"
I like to think I have a lot of patience. I like to think I'm a nice guy, no matter how batshit fucking insane the person talking to me gets. I like to think that.
"Ok, look you stupid bitch. I'm trying to be fucking nice here. I'm not interested in you. I'm not interested in dating you, being friends with you, getting to know you, and I'm certainly not going to fucking marry you. I have tried, and tried, and tried, to let you down easy and let you just go off on your own. But you keep. Fucking. Being. Creepy. It is not funny, nor is it 'cute', to tell someone you've never met and do not know that you would have 'the prettiest babies'. It is not funny, nor is it 'cute', to take an example of how someone can be OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MIND, and try to keep bringing it up as a joke, or a way to break the ice." I went on for a bit more about how there was nothing endearing about pestering me for my address and phone number.
"But I wasn't kidding..."
AND THAT MAKES IT WORSE. I very rarely block anyone on anything. Ever. I think I blocked maybe two people back in the days of AOL IM, and I knew a lot of annoying people. I've never blocked anyone on Facebook, but I've been very tempted to. So, I went ahead and blocked her.
When I woke up the next day, I had twenty new messages. All from her. All from different accounts. Asking me why I blocked her, and why I wouldn't talk to her, and telling me she loved me.
In retrospect, I should have just titled this something to the effect of "Don't Be Fucking Nuts on the Internet" based on the example. But really, you shouldn't be fucking nuts anywhere, and there's already an entry on that (Lesson 2, for those interested). And really, this is a specific kind of crazy.
There is no race to the finish in a relationship. There is absolutely no reason to ever rush the "I love you" line, while there are actually a lot of reasons not to. Being in love can be absolutely terrifying, and absolutely wonderful. But people need to make sure they understand what love is, and know that they're in love, before the say it. It's an awful feeling to be dating someone, and hear "I love you", and know that you don't feel it in return, or even to be unsure about if you feel it. Likewise, it's terrible to say "I love you" and be told they don't feel the same. It's serious business.
And marriage. Yo, fuck you, people who rush the marriage talk. It's a BIG FUCKING DECISION. Weddings are EXPENSIVE. And not just the service, the whole ordeal. If you truly love someone, then yes, by all means get married and have a wonderful life together. I don't want this to sound like a "never get married!" rant. It's a "don't fucking joke about that word" rant. Do not tell the person you've just started dating that you will marry them. Do not tell the person you've NEVER MET that you will marry them. It's not cool. Wait until you've been together for awhile, until you know each other, and until you are positive that yes, this is who you want to spend your life with. Because you know what's more expensive than marriage? Divorce. Of course, that's assuming that the batshit crazy person didn't chain you up in their basement.
Love, romance, and dating are not races. They are a lengthy, enjoyable stroll through the park. Take time to enjoy it and build memories, don't just run for the gate.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Lesson 15 - Stop Trying to Turn it Around
I know, I know... You're NEVER wrong. In fact, you're SO GOOD at never being wrong, that you have to be right even when the other person isn't wrong. It's a gift, really, that you're just trying to share with the world.
Let's try an example. Let's say that you and your significant other are up early one morning, and you decide to prepare some breakfast for the two of you. Some bacon, maybe a nice toasted English muffin... Oh, and an omelette! Everyone loves a nice omelette, right? So the lucky man or woman in your life comes into the kitchen...
"Oh, you're making eggs? Great! Everything smells delicious!"
And you, of course, reply "Uh, no. I'm making OMELETTES."
Now let's be real. You're just trying to educate and inform. Omelettes aren't EGGS. Well... They are... But wait, it's important to clarify! These aren't some scrambled eggs from Waffle House! These are OMELETTES.
No. They're eggs, and you're being a bit of a bitch. The appropriate reply would have been something along the lines of "Yeah, I'm making us some omelettes! What do you want in yours?". You know, like an adult. Not a spoiled brat who needs to be right so badly that you insinuate others are wrong for... Well, for being right. Now, had you been making something other than eggs, it would have been appropriate to say "No, I'm actually making omelettes".... But that's still a polite way to do it rather than being a taint.
Let's keep it simple. If someone isn't wrong, don't try to twist what they've said to make them sound wrong. Especially not if you're just going to repeat back what they've said as the reason why they're wrong. It's a dick move, yo. I fully understand that conflict can be exciting, some people get turned on by a good argument, and that's a solid way to start one. It's also a solid way to get a frying pan to the face, and there's nothing about that which screams "Do me right here on the table!". Unless, you know, one of you is turned on by broken noses.
You're not always right, no one is. But that doesn't make it ok to try and prove someone else is wrong over nothing.
Let's try an example. Let's say that you and your significant other are up early one morning, and you decide to prepare some breakfast for the two of you. Some bacon, maybe a nice toasted English muffin... Oh, and an omelette! Everyone loves a nice omelette, right? So the lucky man or woman in your life comes into the kitchen...
"Oh, you're making eggs? Great! Everything smells delicious!"
And you, of course, reply "Uh, no. I'm making OMELETTES."
Now let's be real. You're just trying to educate and inform. Omelettes aren't EGGS. Well... They are... But wait, it's important to clarify! These aren't some scrambled eggs from Waffle House! These are OMELETTES.
No. They're eggs, and you're being a bit of a bitch. The appropriate reply would have been something along the lines of "Yeah, I'm making us some omelettes! What do you want in yours?". You know, like an adult. Not a spoiled brat who needs to be right so badly that you insinuate others are wrong for... Well, for being right. Now, had you been making something other than eggs, it would have been appropriate to say "No, I'm actually making omelettes".... But that's still a polite way to do it rather than being a taint.
Let's keep it simple. If someone isn't wrong, don't try to twist what they've said to make them sound wrong. Especially not if you're just going to repeat back what they've said as the reason why they're wrong. It's a dick move, yo. I fully understand that conflict can be exciting, some people get turned on by a good argument, and that's a solid way to start one. It's also a solid way to get a frying pan to the face, and there's nothing about that which screams "Do me right here on the table!". Unless, you know, one of you is turned on by broken noses.
You're not always right, no one is. But that doesn't make it ok to try and prove someone else is wrong over nothing.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Lesson 12 - Don't be a Slob. It's Never Okay.
So, let's be honest. We all have that moment when we're a little too comfortable around people, and we do something disgusting, don't we? Maybe it's when you're out with the guys, and you let rip an epic fart. Or you go to a house party, drop a deuce, and let the smell linger. It happens, we all slip up from time to time. Maybe it's something as simple as leaving your socks on the floor of the living room. Everyone has a slob moment, and that's ok. As long as it's just a moment.
But that moment should never, EVER happen around the person you're dating. It's not ok. It's never ok.
Let's set up a scenario, shall we? I've noticed I'm pretty fond of doing this, so I see no reason to stop now!
Say you're dating Rebecca. You two have been together for a couple of years, and you take that big step... You ask her to move in with you. Big man with some big balls, there. Inviting a woman into your living space, permanently, is daunting. And no doubt, if you're like most men, you'll be cleaner during those first few months than you ever have been in your entire life. You're wiping down counters. Vacuuming carpets. Rinsing and washing dishes. We're talking the whole nine yards here, buddy. And then, as you round out month 4 living together, something happens...
You start to get comfortable with her there. And why wouldn't you? She lives there, you know she's there, and by now, she should know what you're like to live with, right? And she does... at least, she knows what you've been like to live with for the past few months. Which means she knows you as a guy who picks up after himself, cleans up his apartment, and knows how to flush the toilet.
And now that you're comfortable, you slip up. You don't know it, but you start being the most disgusting person in the world to be around. Things that are TOTALLY NORMAL to you are, in fact, horribly unsettling to the people around you. This is tantamount to trying to engage in a land war in Asia (read: don't do that. It doesn't work well for you). And all of the sudden, that wonderful vision of beauty who has happily lived with you for months now wants to scream at you until you burst into flames.
All because you didn't flush the toilet.
There are actually any number of things you could have done at this point to set her off. And if you're lucky, she has the patience of a saint and won't kill you outright for it. But the thing is, you're going to keep doing these things, and she's going to hate you more and more, and eventually the two of you are on an episode of Cops covered in crap screaming about the Wal-Mart.
Does that sound like a fun time? I don't think it sounds fun. So let's cover a few basics, just to keep you safe, shall we?
1 - Don't fart wherever you want. There's a lady present. Go outside, or into the restroom. Use some air freshener.
2 - Don't drink out of the carton. You're not 4 years old. Even at 4, you're pissing a lady off when you do that, and thankfully she's your mother and isn't allowed to kill you.
3 - If you go to the bathroom, flush the toilet. If it's a deuce, light a match. Use that match to light a scented candle. If you don't have a candle, you better have some air freshener, you neanderthal.
4 - While we're on the subject of bathroom etiquette, remember to shut the door. No one wants to be around that guy who leaves the door open when he's plopping one out.
5 - Pick up your dirty laundry. Buy a clothes hamper or a laundry basket, and put the dirty stuff in it. Socks included.
6 - Don't leave food out. If you get a glass of milk, put the carton back in the fridge. If you make a sandwich, put away the bread, lunchmeat, and condiments.
That's just for starters. When you screw up, and you will, make sure you make it up to her. Cook her some dinner, maybe bring home some chocolates. Prove that you're a gentleman, not a heathen. And for Pete's sake, put some pants on when you're walking around the house.
But that moment should never, EVER happen around the person you're dating. It's not ok. It's never ok.
Let's set up a scenario, shall we? I've noticed I'm pretty fond of doing this, so I see no reason to stop now!
Say you're dating Rebecca. You two have been together for a couple of years, and you take that big step... You ask her to move in with you. Big man with some big balls, there. Inviting a woman into your living space, permanently, is daunting. And no doubt, if you're like most men, you'll be cleaner during those first few months than you ever have been in your entire life. You're wiping down counters. Vacuuming carpets. Rinsing and washing dishes. We're talking the whole nine yards here, buddy. And then, as you round out month 4 living together, something happens...
You start to get comfortable with her there. And why wouldn't you? She lives there, you know she's there, and by now, she should know what you're like to live with, right? And she does... at least, she knows what you've been like to live with for the past few months. Which means she knows you as a guy who picks up after himself, cleans up his apartment, and knows how to flush the toilet.
And now that you're comfortable, you slip up. You don't know it, but you start being the most disgusting person in the world to be around. Things that are TOTALLY NORMAL to you are, in fact, horribly unsettling to the people around you. This is tantamount to trying to engage in a land war in Asia (read: don't do that. It doesn't work well for you). And all of the sudden, that wonderful vision of beauty who has happily lived with you for months now wants to scream at you until you burst into flames.
All because you didn't flush the toilet.
There are actually any number of things you could have done at this point to set her off. And if you're lucky, she has the patience of a saint and won't kill you outright for it. But the thing is, you're going to keep doing these things, and she's going to hate you more and more, and eventually the two of you are on an episode of Cops covered in crap screaming about the Wal-Mart.
Does that sound like a fun time? I don't think it sounds fun. So let's cover a few basics, just to keep you safe, shall we?
1 - Don't fart wherever you want. There's a lady present. Go outside, or into the restroom. Use some air freshener.
2 - Don't drink out of the carton. You're not 4 years old. Even at 4, you're pissing a lady off when you do that, and thankfully she's your mother and isn't allowed to kill you.
3 - If you go to the bathroom, flush the toilet. If it's a deuce, light a match. Use that match to light a scented candle. If you don't have a candle, you better have some air freshener, you neanderthal.
4 - While we're on the subject of bathroom etiquette, remember to shut the door. No one wants to be around that guy who leaves the door open when he's plopping one out.
5 - Pick up your dirty laundry. Buy a clothes hamper or a laundry basket, and put the dirty stuff in it. Socks included.
6 - Don't leave food out. If you get a glass of milk, put the carton back in the fridge. If you make a sandwich, put away the bread, lunchmeat, and condiments.
That's just for starters. When you screw up, and you will, make sure you make it up to her. Cook her some dinner, maybe bring home some chocolates. Prove that you're a gentleman, not a heathen. And for Pete's sake, put some pants on when you're walking around the house.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Lesson 5 - Don't be a Drunk Rabbit.
Ok, so let's just get this out there. Drinking can be nice. It relaxes you, a lot of alcoholic drinks are tasty, and it's a very adult thing to order at dinner.
That being said, don't be a god damn drunk. You know who you are. I'm talking about those people who order way too much to drink at dinner, get sloshed (even "tipsy" is a bit rude). I was just talking with one of my women friends, and she made a good point on the matter... Don't order more than two alcoholic drinks. It's a good, safe number. You know you're going to be eating, and you should know your own tolerance by now. If you and your date opt for a bottle of wine? Don't go chugging it all down, because then you're not just a drunk, but you're selfish.
So, let's set the stage.. You're at dinner, a fairly nice restaurant... Nothing too expensive, mind you, this is a first or second date, but not a McDonald's either. Maybe an Italian place? Italian is classy. You have the menu in front of you, your date orders a martini, you order whatever you choose, perhaps some wine. Don't just get water. Speaking as a man who makes a habit of paying for the women he takes on dates, it's a bit annoying. To me, when I order a martini and you just ask for a glass of water, you're thinking to yourself that you need to keep the meal cheap since I'm paying for you. If someone asks you to dinner, and they know they're paying, I'm willing to bet they'll choose a restaurant they know is within their price range if you get a drink or two with your meal. You can order water after you have one or two actual drinks, I promise they won't kill you.
Speaking of dinner... what do you order?
I'll tell you what you don't order. The damn side salad. If you're not a vegetarian, you have no business ordering a side salad for dinner. And even if you ARE a vegetarian, get one of the entree salads. If you want pasta, order the pasta. The person sitting across from you isn't going to think less of you if you order a steak, either, as long as you know how to use a fork and knife to eat it. It's ok to order what you really want, as long as it's not the side salad.
Or, actually, the most expensive thing on the menu. I'm not talking about the restaurants where everything is within a few dollars of everything else on the menu with this, mind you. You know the restaurants I mean, where they have one or two items which are, for no apparent reason, considerably more expensive. There's a pretty nice Italian place here, for instance, that has one dish which costs as much as three other entrees combined. For no reason. I've had it, it's really not that great, and certainly not better than their pasta with bolognese sauce. If you happen to see that mysteriously expensive item on your menu, just avoid it, and get something else. It's rude to assume your date is poor, but it's a pretty mean move to assume they want you to make the meal cost as much as you can.
If you want dessert, that's up to you. Order whatever. It's all delicious. Tiramisu is one of my personal favorites.
That being said, don't be a god damn drunk. You know who you are. I'm talking about those people who order way too much to drink at dinner, get sloshed (even "tipsy" is a bit rude). I was just talking with one of my women friends, and she made a good point on the matter... Don't order more than two alcoholic drinks. It's a good, safe number. You know you're going to be eating, and you should know your own tolerance by now. If you and your date opt for a bottle of wine? Don't go chugging it all down, because then you're not just a drunk, but you're selfish.
So, let's set the stage.. You're at dinner, a fairly nice restaurant... Nothing too expensive, mind you, this is a first or second date, but not a McDonald's either. Maybe an Italian place? Italian is classy. You have the menu in front of you, your date orders a martini, you order whatever you choose, perhaps some wine. Don't just get water. Speaking as a man who makes a habit of paying for the women he takes on dates, it's a bit annoying. To me, when I order a martini and you just ask for a glass of water, you're thinking to yourself that you need to keep the meal cheap since I'm paying for you. If someone asks you to dinner, and they know they're paying, I'm willing to bet they'll choose a restaurant they know is within their price range if you get a drink or two with your meal. You can order water after you have one or two actual drinks, I promise they won't kill you.
Speaking of dinner... what do you order?
I'll tell you what you don't order. The damn side salad. If you're not a vegetarian, you have no business ordering a side salad for dinner. And even if you ARE a vegetarian, get one of the entree salads. If you want pasta, order the pasta. The person sitting across from you isn't going to think less of you if you order a steak, either, as long as you know how to use a fork and knife to eat it. It's ok to order what you really want, as long as it's not the side salad.
Or, actually, the most expensive thing on the menu. I'm not talking about the restaurants where everything is within a few dollars of everything else on the menu with this, mind you. You know the restaurants I mean, where they have one or two items which are, for no apparent reason, considerably more expensive. There's a pretty nice Italian place here, for instance, that has one dish which costs as much as three other entrees combined. For no reason. I've had it, it's really not that great, and certainly not better than their pasta with bolognese sauce. If you happen to see that mysteriously expensive item on your menu, just avoid it, and get something else. It's rude to assume your date is poor, but it's a pretty mean move to assume they want you to make the meal cost as much as you can.
If you want dessert, that's up to you. Order whatever. It's all delicious. Tiramisu is one of my personal favorites.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Lesson 3 - Let Us Pay (Or, Don't Be a Cheapskate)
Let's go ahead and get this out of the way. Even in this modern age, the guy still usually asks the girl on the date. There are, of course, exceptions, but this is generally true. That being said...
If a someone asks you on a date, let them pay. If you ask someone on a date, expect them to pay. It's not sexist, it's good behavior. If you want to offer to pay for half, or all, of a date you were asked on, kudos to you. But don't make it into an argument or cause a scene. Just let it happen.
I'm a bit old fashioned on this, true. I was raised that if you take a girl out for dinner, or drinks, or paintball, you pick up the tab. It's been so ingrained in me that even if I'm out with a girl as friends, 9 times out of 10 I'll pick up the check when she's not paying attention. It just happens, and I'm ok with it. I'm so used to it, in fact, that I plan on it and make sure I have the money to pay for both of us if we go out to do something. Where I come from, it's called being a gentleman.
Now, I'm not suggesting that it is ALWAYS the man's responsibility to pay. Not at all. I'm suggesting it is the asking party's responsibility. If a girl were to ask me on a date, I would fully expect her to be ready to pick up the bill. I would offer to pay for everything (this has happened and she was ok with it), but if she were insistent on paying? I'd be respectful enough to let it happen (this has also happened. Once.) You should too. Likewise, if you happen to be gay and get asked on a date, the asking party should be ready to pay.
Now, sometimes you have that person who immediately goes for the "50/50" route. That's ok. Some people are like that, and especially with the economy the way it is, it's risky to drop a lot of money on a first date that may not pan out. But if you keep going on dates after that? Come on. Be classy, and if you asked them, pick up the check. For me, personally, "seperate checks" sounds a lot like "we're just friends" if you're still in the dating phase.
If a someone asks you on a date, let them pay. If you ask someone on a date, expect them to pay. It's not sexist, it's good behavior. If you want to offer to pay for half, or all, of a date you were asked on, kudos to you. But don't make it into an argument or cause a scene. Just let it happen.
I'm a bit old fashioned on this, true. I was raised that if you take a girl out for dinner, or drinks, or paintball, you pick up the tab. It's been so ingrained in me that even if I'm out with a girl as friends, 9 times out of 10 I'll pick up the check when she's not paying attention. It just happens, and I'm ok with it. I'm so used to it, in fact, that I plan on it and make sure I have the money to pay for both of us if we go out to do something. Where I come from, it's called being a gentleman.
Now, I'm not suggesting that it is ALWAYS the man's responsibility to pay. Not at all. I'm suggesting it is the asking party's responsibility. If a girl were to ask me on a date, I would fully expect her to be ready to pick up the bill. I would offer to pay for everything (this has happened and she was ok with it), but if she were insistent on paying? I'd be respectful enough to let it happen (this has also happened. Once.) You should too. Likewise, if you happen to be gay and get asked on a date, the asking party should be ready to pay.
Now, sometimes you have that person who immediately goes for the "50/50" route. That's ok. Some people are like that, and especially with the economy the way it is, it's risky to drop a lot of money on a first date that may not pan out. But if you keep going on dates after that? Come on. Be classy, and if you asked them, pick up the check. For me, personally, "seperate checks" sounds a lot like "we're just friends" if you're still in the dating phase.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Lesson 1 - Don't Be A Pretentious Bitch
Let me start off by saying that I am fully aware men can be guilty of this just as often. Just because they have a dick doesn't mean they can't be a bitch.
So, let's set the stage for lesson one, shall we? Imagine you meet a nice guy or girl, and seem to hit it off fairly well. You find each other attractive, have common interests, the works. After getting to know each other a bit, you go ahead and ask them out on a date.. Something casual, friendly, and fun... Like, for instance a movie. A go-to classic first date, but hey, if it's not broken don't fix it. This is generally the time to part ways (after exchanging numbers if you haven't already), and go about your business.
It is totally acceptable to talk between the asking and the going. Test the waters a bit, decide on a movie, and just generally chat. Maybe ask how work, or school, is going... Your standard small talk.
What is not generally acceptable at this point is to be a pretentious bitch. Imagine, for a moment, you were the one asked on the date. Which of the following do YOU think is an appropriate topic of conversation?
I'll give an example from my own life, if I may. I recently met a girl who seemed rather nice. She was attractive, we have similar interests, etc. She's a bit talkative for my tastes, but she was just trying to get to know me better, which I fully understand. So, after a bit of conversation, I asked if she'd like to get together this weekend to see a movie. Nothing big, just two people enjoying a film, maybe grab a cup of coffee afterwards. She said yes, and as you may recall, this is the time to part ways and talk later.
It is not, however, the time to begin telling me how I need to dress to go see a movie. I'll just throw it out there that I'm a pretty casual guy. I'm in my late twenties, I like wearing jeans and t-shirts in the spring, and a hoodie if there's a chill in the air. To me, there's nothing wrong with that. It's comfortable, and it's how I like to dress. I think it's a pretty standard approach to clothing. So, if I ask you to a movie, and you start telling me that I, in all seriousness, need to wear a button down shirt and tie? You're being a bit pretentious. If you throw in that I need to wear dress slacks and shoes? You're being very pretentious. If you then tell me I need to style my hair in an "up-do" and wear a particular type of cologne because it's what you want? You're a pretentious bitch, and this date isn't happening.
Do not tell your date how to dress. We're all adults, and I'm sure we can figure out what is, or is not, appropriate to wear out of the house. Do not tell your date how to style their hair. If I want opinions on my hair, I will ask the rather wonderful girl who cuts it for me. Do not tell your date what fragrance to wear, because they may find it to be absolutely horrendous. You are going on a date. That's it. A date. And if it's a first date, you're not just a pretentious bitch, you're a spoiled child for trying to be that controlling with a person you've just recently met.
I suppose it is worth mentioning that some people WANT a controlling person like that in their lives. That's still no excuse for being a pretentious bitch right out of the gate. Take it easy, ok? Just relax and let things happen, see where the evening takes you, and don't stress if your date isn't the model of perfection you want them to be.
So, let's set the stage for lesson one, shall we? Imagine you meet a nice guy or girl, and seem to hit it off fairly well. You find each other attractive, have common interests, the works. After getting to know each other a bit, you go ahead and ask them out on a date.. Something casual, friendly, and fun... Like, for instance a movie. A go-to classic first date, but hey, if it's not broken don't fix it. This is generally the time to part ways (after exchanging numbers if you haven't already), and go about your business.
It is totally acceptable to talk between the asking and the going. Test the waters a bit, decide on a movie, and just generally chat. Maybe ask how work, or school, is going... Your standard small talk.
What is not generally acceptable at this point is to be a pretentious bitch. Imagine, for a moment, you were the one asked on the date. Which of the following do YOU think is an appropriate topic of conversation?
- Asking what kinds of movies your date enjoys
- Asking your date more about their interests, family, etc
- Telling your date what they need to wear, how they need to style their hair, and how they need to act
I'll give an example from my own life, if I may. I recently met a girl who seemed rather nice. She was attractive, we have similar interests, etc. She's a bit talkative for my tastes, but she was just trying to get to know me better, which I fully understand. So, after a bit of conversation, I asked if she'd like to get together this weekend to see a movie. Nothing big, just two people enjoying a film, maybe grab a cup of coffee afterwards. She said yes, and as you may recall, this is the time to part ways and talk later.
It is not, however, the time to begin telling me how I need to dress to go see a movie. I'll just throw it out there that I'm a pretty casual guy. I'm in my late twenties, I like wearing jeans and t-shirts in the spring, and a hoodie if there's a chill in the air. To me, there's nothing wrong with that. It's comfortable, and it's how I like to dress. I think it's a pretty standard approach to clothing. So, if I ask you to a movie, and you start telling me that I, in all seriousness, need to wear a button down shirt and tie? You're being a bit pretentious. If you throw in that I need to wear dress slacks and shoes? You're being very pretentious. If you then tell me I need to style my hair in an "up-do" and wear a particular type of cologne because it's what you want? You're a pretentious bitch, and this date isn't happening.
Do not tell your date how to dress. We're all adults, and I'm sure we can figure out what is, or is not, appropriate to wear out of the house. Do not tell your date how to style their hair. If I want opinions on my hair, I will ask the rather wonderful girl who cuts it for me. Do not tell your date what fragrance to wear, because they may find it to be absolutely horrendous. You are going on a date. That's it. A date. And if it's a first date, you're not just a pretentious bitch, you're a spoiled child for trying to be that controlling with a person you've just recently met.
I suppose it is worth mentioning that some people WANT a controlling person like that in their lives. That's still no excuse for being a pretentious bitch right out of the gate. Take it easy, ok? Just relax and let things happen, see where the evening takes you, and don't stress if your date isn't the model of perfection you want them to be.
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