Lesson 18 - R E S P E C T. It's not just a song.

Maaaan.  Been awhile.  Not going to lie, a lot of it is that I usually write in here when I'm bitter about something relationship/dating-wise, and I really haven't had much to complain about lately.  Kind of have a pretty awesome woman in my life, and it's been a nice change of pace.

But fuck it, this is the internet and I still have things to say.

So, let's talk about respect.  I mean really, respect goes both ways and you should respect each other, but let's not pretend we're here so I can be like... Ladies. Respect your man!  That's not why I'm here, and hopefully that's not why you're here, or you'll be a little disappointed.

Gentlemen.  Menfolk.  Boys.  We are a pretty disrespectful lot when it comes to women.  Like.. wow.  Take a moment and really think about it, and then just let the feeling of "Fuck, I'm an asshat" wash over you.  It's ok.  Really.  Take it all in.

Now, a large part of this is the fact that we live in a patriarchal society where men are men and women are second class.  Don't argue with me, you know I'm right.  Sit down.  Now think back to how many times you've made some sexist joke like "Oh, what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?  Nothing, she was already told twice!" or "Why would I get a woman a watch, there's a clock on the stove!" ...Laugh it up.  Thing is, there's funny ha-ha, and there's funny "Oh shit we're perpetuating a culture of disrespecting everyone without a dick", which is to say... there's funny, and there's not really funny.

Let me ask you a pretty simple question.  Do you respect the women in your life?  All of them?  Not just your family (though that is important), but your female friends, coworkers, and partners?

Now, do you just respect them outwardly?  Or is your respect internal as well?  Example.  Do you treat a woman nice, and respectful, to her face, but then when you're out with the boys talk about her in a disrespectful or inappropriate manner?  Both are important.

This is feeling a bit wordy to me.  Sorry about that, but I'm not really sorry.  The thing is you have to respect the people you're with.  Have. To.  It really shouldn't be an option not to, but the horrible truth is that there are many women out there who have gone so long without ever being respected as a person that they just think "Oh, well, I deserve to be treated like this".  And they don't.  Really, ladies, you don't, and fuck anyone who tells you otherwise.  ...Phrasing, not like, proper fuck, but those people can go to hell.

I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I really believe that respect is an integral part of any healthy relationship.  It goes both ways, yes, but generally the men are the ones causing problems.  Like, if your lady says no to something?  Anything?  Respect it.  Don't be like... "Hey girl... you lookin' pretty.  Lemme get the P in the V" and when she says "No, I don't feel like it", jam your dick in anyway.  That's not cool, and beyond being disrespectful, it's illegal (because that's rape, dating someone does not entitle you sex whenever you want).  Or if she asks you to refrain from a certain type of behavior (within reason)?  Like, if your lady asks you to do something as simple as wiping your feet when you walk in the door.  Don't argue.  Wipe your damn feet.  Small displays of respect are as important as large ones.

I'm not gonna lie, it's actually pretty hard right now for me to think of common displays of disrespect that aren't the illegality we've already covered.  Be polite.  Be a nice fuckin' guy.  Well, I guess this is getting to the TL;DR, so be a nice fuckin' lady. Be a nice fuckin' PERSON.  Not just to your partner, but to everyone, because maybe they just need that little bit of respect.

And again.  Ladies.  If some dude out there disrespects you and treats you like garbage.  You don't have to put up with that shit.  You deserve better, and he deserves some icy hot in the peehole.

Lesson 15 - Stop Trying to Turn it Around

I know, I know... You're NEVER wrong.  In fact, you're SO GOOD at never being wrong, that you have to be right even when the other person isn't wrong.  It's a gift, really, that you're just trying to share with the world.

Let's try an example.  Let's say that you and your significant other are up early one morning, and you decide to prepare some breakfast for the two of you.  Some bacon, maybe a nice toasted English muffin... Oh, and an omelette! Everyone loves a nice omelette, right?  So the lucky man or woman in your life comes into the kitchen...

"Oh, you're making eggs?  Great! Everything smells delicious!"
And you, of course, reply "Uh, no.  I'm making OMELETTES."

Now let's be real.  You're just trying to educate and inform.  Omelettes aren't EGGS.  Well... They are... But wait, it's important to clarify! These aren't some scrambled eggs from Waffle House!  These are OMELETTES.

No.  They're eggs, and you're being a bit of a bitch.  The appropriate reply would have been something along the lines of "Yeah, I'm making us some omelettes! What do you want in yours?".  You know, like an adult.  Not a spoiled brat who needs to be right so badly that you insinuate others are wrong for... Well, for being right.  Now, had you been making something other than eggs, it would have been appropriate to say "No, I'm actually making omelettes".... But that's still a polite way to do it rather than being a taint.

Let's keep it simple.  If someone isn't wrong, don't try to twist what they've said to make them sound wrong. Especially not if you're just going to repeat back what they've said as the reason why they're wrong.  It's a dick move, yo.  I fully understand that conflict can be exciting, some people get turned on by a good argument, and that's a solid way to start one.  It's also a solid way to get a frying pan to the face, and there's nothing about that which screams "Do me right here on the table!".  Unless, you know, one of you is turned on by broken noses.

You're not always right, no one is.  But that doesn't make it ok to try and prove someone else is wrong over nothing.

Lesson 3 - Let Us Pay (Or, Don't Be a Cheapskate)

Let's go ahead and get this out of the way. Even in this modern age, the guy still usually asks the girl on the date. There are, of course, exceptions, but this is generally true. That being said...

If a someone asks you on a date, let them pay. If you ask someone on a date, expect them to pay. It's not sexist, it's good behavior. If you want to offer to pay for half, or all, of a date you were asked on, kudos to you. But don't make it into an argument or cause a scene. Just let it happen.

I'm a bit old fashioned on this, true. I was raised that if you take a girl out for dinner, or drinks, or paintball, you pick up the tab. It's been so ingrained in me that even if I'm out with a girl as friends, 9 times out of 10 I'll pick up the check when she's not paying attention. It just happens, and I'm ok with it. I'm so used to it, in fact, that I plan on it and make sure I have the money to pay for both of us if we go out to do something. Where I come from, it's called being a gentleman.

Now, I'm not suggesting that it is ALWAYS the man's responsibility to pay. Not at all. I'm suggesting it is the asking party's responsibility. If a girl were to ask me on a date, I would fully expect her to be ready to pick up the bill. I would offer to pay for everything (this has happened and she was ok with it), but if she were insistent on paying? I'd be respectful enough to let it happen (this has also happened. Once.) You should too. Likewise, if you happen to be gay and get asked on a date, the asking party should be ready to pay.

Now, sometimes you have that person who immediately goes for the "50/50" route. That's ok. Some people are like that, and especially with the economy the way it is, it's risky to drop a lot of money on a first date that may not pan out. But if you keep going on dates after that? Come on. Be classy, and if you asked them, pick up the check. For me, personally, "seperate checks" sounds a lot like "we're just friends" if you're still in the dating phase.