So, let's be honest. We all have that moment when we're a little too comfortable around people, and we do something disgusting, don't we? Maybe it's when you're out with the guys, and you let rip an epic fart. Or you go to a house party, drop a deuce, and let the smell linger. It happens, we all slip up from time to time. Maybe it's something as simple as leaving your socks on the floor of the living room. Everyone has a slob moment, and that's ok. As long as it's just a moment.
But that moment should never, EVER happen around the person you're dating. It's not ok. It's never ok.
Let's set up a scenario, shall we? I've noticed I'm pretty fond of doing this, so I see no reason to stop now!
Say you're dating Rebecca. You two have been together for a couple of years, and you take that big step... You ask her to move in with you. Big man with some big balls, there. Inviting a woman into your living space, permanently, is daunting. And no doubt, if you're like most men, you'll be cleaner during those first few months than you ever have been in your entire life. You're wiping down counters. Vacuuming carpets. Rinsing and washing dishes. We're talking the whole nine yards here, buddy. And then, as you round out month 4 living together, something happens...
You start to get comfortable with her there. And why wouldn't you? She lives there, you know she's there, and by now, she should know what you're like to live with, right? And she does... at least, she knows what you've been like to live with for the past few months. Which means she knows you as a guy who picks up after himself, cleans up his apartment, and knows how to flush the toilet.
And now that you're comfortable, you slip up. You don't know it, but you start being the most disgusting person in the world to be around. Things that are TOTALLY NORMAL to you are, in fact, horribly unsettling to the people around you. This is tantamount to trying to engage in a land war in Asia (read: don't do that. It doesn't work well for you). And all of the sudden, that wonderful vision of beauty who has happily lived with you for months now wants to scream at you until you burst into flames.
All because you didn't flush the toilet.
There are actually any number of things you could have done at this point to set her off. And if you're lucky, she has the patience of a saint and won't kill you outright for it. But the thing is, you're going to keep doing these things, and she's going to hate you more and more, and eventually the two of you are on an episode of Cops covered in crap screaming about the Wal-Mart.
Does that sound like a fun time? I don't think it sounds fun. So let's cover a few basics, just to keep you safe, shall we?
1 - Don't fart wherever you want. There's a lady present. Go outside, or into the restroom. Use some air freshener.
2 - Don't drink out of the carton. You're not 4 years old. Even at 4, you're pissing a lady off when you do that, and thankfully she's your mother and isn't allowed to kill you.
3 - If you go to the bathroom, flush the toilet. If it's a deuce, light a match. Use that match to light a scented candle. If you don't have a candle, you better have some air freshener, you neanderthal.
4 - While we're on the subject of bathroom etiquette, remember to shut the door. No one wants to be around that guy who leaves the door open when he's plopping one out.
5 - Pick up your dirty laundry. Buy a clothes hamper or a laundry basket, and put the dirty stuff in it. Socks included.
6 - Don't leave food out. If you get a glass of milk, put the carton back in the fridge. If you make a sandwich, put away the bread, lunchmeat, and condiments.
That's just for starters. When you screw up, and you will, make sure you make it up to her. Cook her some dinner, maybe bring home some chocolates. Prove that you're a gentleman, not a heathen. And for Pete's sake, put some pants on when you're walking around the house.
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